on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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