It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
