He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
