Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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