i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
