Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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