So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
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She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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