I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
