It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
