so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
