I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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