I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize