I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
he had hair everywhere except his balls
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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