I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
