I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
