When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
