A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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