Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
