listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
