On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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