My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
