I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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