I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
