we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We got so high we made milksteak
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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