I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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