You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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