I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
