I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
