sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Randomize
