don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
