She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
