I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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