The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
