I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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