Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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