my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
