My brain says no but my pants say off.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
