She announced her abortion via fbk
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
