So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
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I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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