garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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