I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
