I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
