i permit you to call me
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
