I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
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All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
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It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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