My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
