you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
