Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
