The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
