idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
