Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
