I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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