I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
