Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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