yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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