Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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