If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
