I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize