I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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