My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
