I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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